merry christmas =)
I can't believe 2009 is almost here. SO much has happened this year - I feel like I literally went through every single emotion there is experience...
Most of the year revolved around the MCATs, with the highlights being on finally getting my score and getting my acceptance letter to UCCOM and of course, dating Mike. I quit my RA job at UPA in April to concentrate on studying for the MCATs. Then I started my research internship at UCCOM in June. This past summer was hell - I honestly don't know (or at least remember) how I struggled with juggling a full time job with studying for the MCATs and dealing with the stress and pressure that I constantly received from my nagging parents all at the same time. I had never felt so desperate and hopeless until this summer. At the same time, I had never felt SO proud of myself until the day I got my MCAT score. I seriously walked around campus grinning from ear to ear for the rest of that week. It was the best feeling I've ever experienced in my life. I felt accomplished, focused, oriented, purposeful, proud, and just SO happy with myself. I had never prayed so much in my life. I'm not a religious person, but I can't decide if I should thank myself or God for getting into medical school. Either way, I'm happy with where I am now and just little over two months ago, I would have never thought/imagined myself to be in this state of mind.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful for how things have turned out. I stressed out to the max, panicked, doubted my intelligence and my abilities over and over this summer. I feel that this traumatizing experience has definitely made me a stronger person in the end. It brought me closer to myself and made me re-evaluate my life. Because of what happened I now realize how much emotional control my parents have over me and that their way of going about things is not always the best for me, even though they have my best interest at heart. I need to consciously act on this realization by removing myself from their emotional reactions and demands and coming to peace with the fact that I will never be able to please them all the time. I need to become emotionally independent. I feel that I have definitely gained more self-confidence and self-esteem as a result of my MCAT experience. I also realized that I can't just put the rest of my life on hold when I'm stressed out from school. My career hasn't even started and the rest of my life is definitely stress-bound. I NEED to come up with a coping strategy to de-stress. I need to become less emotional, less anxious and agitated. I need to stay grounded. The older I get the more I think that in the end, I have only MYSELF to take care of me. Everything else in life is temporary and everyone is ultimately selfish. I need to take care of myself. I mustn't lose myself in situations such as family affairs or relationships.
